Life Lessons

It's been a long time since I wrote a blog post. Maybe I didn't have anything to say? Doubtful.....but here's what is on my mind......

Lately it feels like I've been giving advice to friends that are breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend, going through a divorce or in an unhappy marriage and not sure what to do. Here are a few lessons that I've gathered over time that have really made a difference and actually helped me. See what you think....

Lizzie's Lessons:
1. No matter how high your hopes are, or how much you want to believe it....ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS remember, PEOPLE NEVER CHANGE! Although they will tell you what you want to hear so that you will give them another chance. Don't do it.....unless you like to hear "I told you so!"
2. Just because someone loves you, if they don't love you the way you want to be loved.....they will never make you happy.....it's ok to love someone and realize that they aren't "the one".
3. You can't control anyone else's behavior, you can only control the way you react to their ridiculous behavior (ok, that one I stole from someone very wise)
4. If you've never been alone, and don't enjoy your own company....you aren't ready to be part of an "us". Take yourself on a date.
5. No man wants a woman that he knows he can have too easily......a little bit of mystery goes a long way (so does not having sex on the first few dates).
6. Memories are a wonderful thing.....we always remember the good more than the bad.....if you forget the bad, try getting back together with your ex. In about 2 - 3 weeks you'll remember all the reasons you split up in the first place. Hold onto the good memories and realize they are meant to be memories.
7. There is no BBD. The Bigger Better Deal is a fantasy that will keep you single for the rest of your life!
8. Kindness always outweighs hotness. Hotness fades very quickly, kindness lasts forever....
9. Insecurity is the biggest turnoff....yes even more than cellulite, I promise.
10. Don't bash your ex or try to poison your children....Karma is a bitch and she will bite you in ass, maybe not today but sooner than you think!
11. Last but not least......Sex is very important. Anyone who tells you otherwise, isn't having any!

The Present....The Greatest Gift You've Ever Received

Have you ever read a great book and not wanted to finish it? You know when you stall at reading the last three pages so that you hold off on finding out who the murdered was, or who the orphan's Mother was, or who the character behind all those bandages was? We've all done it. We hold the suspense so that we don't get to the end and shut the book. Inevitably we HAVE to read the last few pages, finish the book and start a new one.

We hold on to those last few pages, as if this was the last book we'd ever read. How silly? Of course we're going to read another book. Maybe one that is more exciting, more suspenseful, or one that becomes your new favorite. You may have to read a lot of books in between the one you didn't want to finish and your new found favorite book. I am confident that you will find another, and another and another to satisfy your addiction to the suspense, mystery and excitement of your last favorite book.

Ok, lets be honest, I'm of course using a "BOOK" as a metaphor for anything else in your life that you need to let go of. What are we so afraid of. Something new is always around the corner and if you don't let go of what or who you're holding on to, you never give yourself the chance or the opportunity to be open to anything else.

Take a risk, finish the last three pages of the greatest book you ever read (or at least that's what you think when you're reading it and procrastinating about reading the ending). Quit that dead end job that is making you miserable. Stop procrastinating about something you know you should have done months ago. Start that new project, hobby or passion. Investigate a new opportunity.

Life is short (I know I say this in every blog but it's so scary and so true). Stop wasting time. Stop postponing, or making excuses. Try to learn one new thing every day. Do something you were afraid of or haven't tried before. Take a risk. Conquer a fear. Sky dive, bungee jump, go back to school, or start a business. Volunteer at an old age home or a homeless shelter or a soup kitchen. Appreciate who and what you are. If you're not happy with who or what you are, then do something about it. Improve your life by opening yourself up to new possibilities. Just do one thing, it doesn't even matter what it is, just something different.

Be like Nike and "Just do it"!

Live by one of my favorite quotes that I constantly ask a close friend to recite to me even though after all the times she's said it to me, I know it by heart......

"The Past is History, The Future is a Mystery, Today is a Gift, that's why we call it the Present"

It always makes me smile...........

Need I say more??

:)

When Is Enough Enough?

Please help me understand something......

How come we give people another chance and another and another and another, even when they never cease to disappoint us? Could be a friend, a family member, a husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, a babysitter, a coworker, just about anyone. Are we just programmed to see the good in people and try to ignore the bad? Or is it that we want them to react a certain way or behave a certain way, and when they don't live up to our expectations, we set ourselves up for disappointment? Is it that some people just aren't capable? Do they just not give a damn if they continue to let you down?

Does their hundredth "I'm sorry", or "I didn't mean to upset you" make it okay? I thought actions spoke louder than words. I've let people down before, who hasn't? I'm certainly not proud of it. I never ever do it intentionally and I always whole heartedly apologize and do whatever I can, not to let it happen again. I hate when people are upset with me, and I do whatever it takes to reassure them and hopefully make them feel better. Especially when it's someone that I genuinely care about.

So why do we hold on to relationships that we know are toxic? You know what I mean. The girlfriend that your husband is always telling you to "lose" because she is constantly causing drama. Or the coworker that promises to tell the boss that the project you are working on together was your idea, and ends up taking full credit for your work? Or the guy you're dating that constantly cancels at the last minute, but is always looking for the after dark booty call?

I could go on and on......

Life is too short, too complicated, and hard enough sometimes. You tell yourself over and over "I'm done" but for some reason you allow the same thing to happen over and over. Is this just human nature? Weakness? Stupidity? Why is it so hard to follow through with what we know isn't right for us?

Of course the more you care about someone the more you make allowances for their hopefully unintentional hurtful behavior. Don't you?

Isn't there a better way? Couldn't you find a less "drama" filled friend? Or talk to your boss about your coworker? Or tell the guy who always cancels to lose your number?

When is Enough Enough?

And to my girlfriend who just had her heart trampled on, that fat lady couldn't have sang any louder!

Manners Matter....Don't Be A #$^%& *@#!

Is there a nice way to be completely honest? Can you get your point across without being insulting? The truth is such a valuable commodity, but does it come with such a high price tag that we settle rather than just putting it out there?

When your friend constantly cancels plans with you at the last minute, it's easy to say, "Hey, enough already, every time we make plans you cancel on me at the last minute and it really pisses me off". That's an easy one. I'm confident that your friend will apologize and make an effort not to do it anymore. But what happens when the situation isn't so easily explained? Here's one almost everyone has experience...how about the friend who always orders the lobster when the rest of the group are ordering burgers? How about the wine connoisseur who orders a $200 bottle of wine because he heard how fabulous it was, and doesn't offer to pay for it? My favorite is when you invite a friend to a game, concert or broadway showas your guest, and when the waiter brings over the dinner check your guest doesn't even offer to pay for dinner. Come on people, doesn't anyone have any manners anymore? Doesn't etiquette still apply? Or is ignorance an excuse for poor manners?

I have a very close friend that I relayed a story to about a mutual acquaintance being completely manner-LESS and her response was, "If you don't point out someone's inappropriate, rude, ill-mannered behavior, then you're allowing them to behave this way toward you and it's your own fault." Damn, good for her!!! I wish I could have her big "set" and point out when someone is just plain old "not doing the right thing". But then again who made me the proper police?

What bothers me the most is that we'll all complain to other people about someone's inconsiderate habits but we won't confront the guilty party directly.

My Mom is the reigning queen of proper etiquette. Trust me, she even writes me a thank you note when I send her flowers!! Anyway, here are a few things she taught me, with MUCH more than my two cents thrown in....I'm sure she's gonna love this one...uh oh.

Chapter One: Being a Welcomed Back Guest

"When you are invited to someone's home for cocktails, hors d'oeuvres, a meal, a sleepover, or a party, don't ever show up empty handed." I don't care how cheap you are. There better be something in your hand when the host opens the door to let you in. Show your host that you appreciate their invitation and that you want to be invited back! Any token is appropriate (a bottle of wine, flowers, candy, a dessert....something....ok fine, a six pack if that's the best you can do!).

"Be a gracious guest." What exactly does that mean? Get off your lazy, full from a great meal ASS and help clear the table!

Don't be a five year old. If your host is serving something you don't enjoy eating, it's always better to behave with some sense of maturity. "Yuck, I hate _____" is what five year olds say. Keep that in mind.

Don't ask for leftovers unless your host offers. It's not a compliment to the chef it's you looking like a cheese ball. Oh, and a pig.

Chapter Two: Table Manners

Your napkin is waiting for you to put it on your lap. It feels most comfortable there.

Chewing with your mouth closed is appreciated, as is not talking with your mouth full of food.ABC (already been chewed is for 3rd graders)

A roll is not meant to be sliced in half and buttered like spreading mayo on a bologna sandwich. Break off a piece that will fit in your mouth and butter that piece, and repeat.

Please don't be rude to the waiter or waitress...they will most likely spit in your food, or drop something on the floor and put it back on your plate (I know you've seen that movie with the toast and the arm pits).

Chapter Three, Four and Five....we'll save for a later post

I'm CERTAINLY not claiming to be the most well mannered, honest person around, but I certainly wasn't brought up in a barn! Unless you were, please people TRY to remember......Manners Matter, Don't Be A _____!

Does the Fat Lady Ever Really Sing??

Is it ever really over? How many times have you been heart broken from a breakup and then gotten back together? More than once I'm sure. If you care about someone and they are in your life for more than a minute, isn't there a part of you that will always care about them? Is there any way you can still be friends? Sometimes when you fall in love, even if it doesn't work out, you never get over it. I hate to use this example, but I can't help myself.....

What about Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. Big? Didn't they spend 10 years breaking up and getting back together, only to end up together? They both had other relationships, but they paled in comparison. Something always brought them back to each other.

The worst is when you break up with someone and then you run into them while you're out on a date, or worse THEY ARE! Talk about your stomach falling on the floor!! Boy does that suck.... Sometimes that is exactly what it takes for you to realize how you really feel. You may want them back, or you may realize that it's just not meant to be.

Isn't that what dating is all about? Meeting different people to see which one "fits"? Aren't we all just looking for our "brand"?

For anyone who has ever been in an on again/off again relationship, or thinks there are some things that just are what they are and there's nothing you can do about it. Here's a little true story for you...

A close friend of mine, gets divorced and at the time her kids are 7 and 10. She reconnects with a guy friend from high school who she sort of dated, but it was never anything serious. Anyway, he's never been married, and although they like each other he doesn't think he can be "step daddy" to her two kids. They break up and get back together five or six times, she cries endless tears and is heart broken. What can she do? Get rid of her kids? The situation is what it is, she comes with two kids. In time, he realized that he loved her and as he got to know her kids, he fell in love with them too. They have now been married for 3 years, he is GREAT with her kids and she's pregnant with twins at 45!!! OK, so moral of the story is....YOU NEVER KNOW!!

It's not over till the Fat Lady Sings!!!