When Is Enough Enough?

Please help me understand something......

How come we give people another chance and another and another and another, even when they never cease to disappoint us? Could be a friend, a family member, a husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, a babysitter, a coworker, just about anyone. Are we just programmed to see the good in people and try to ignore the bad? Or is it that we want them to react a certain way or behave a certain way, and when they don't live up to our expectations, we set ourselves up for disappointment? Is it that some people just aren't capable? Do they just not give a damn if they continue to let you down?

Does their hundredth "I'm sorry", or "I didn't mean to upset you" make it okay? I thought actions spoke louder than words. I've let people down before, who hasn't? I'm certainly not proud of it. I never ever do it intentionally and I always whole heartedly apologize and do whatever I can, not to let it happen again. I hate when people are upset with me, and I do whatever it takes to reassure them and hopefully make them feel better. Especially when it's someone that I genuinely care about.

So why do we hold on to relationships that we know are toxic? You know what I mean. The girlfriend that your husband is always telling you to "lose" because she is constantly causing drama. Or the coworker that promises to tell the boss that the project you are working on together was your idea, and ends up taking full credit for your work? Or the guy you're dating that constantly cancels at the last minute, but is always looking for the after dark booty call?

I could go on and on......

Life is too short, too complicated, and hard enough sometimes. You tell yourself over and over "I'm done" but for some reason you allow the same thing to happen over and over. Is this just human nature? Weakness? Stupidity? Why is it so hard to follow through with what we know isn't right for us?

Of course the more you care about someone the more you make allowances for their hopefully unintentional hurtful behavior. Don't you?

Isn't there a better way? Couldn't you find a less "drama" filled friend? Or talk to your boss about your coworker? Or tell the guy who always cancels to lose your number?

When is Enough Enough?

And to my girlfriend who just had her heart trampled on, that fat lady couldn't have sang any louder!

Manners Matter....Don't Be A #$^%& *@#!

Is there a nice way to be completely honest? Can you get your point across without being insulting? The truth is such a valuable commodity, but does it come with such a high price tag that we settle rather than just putting it out there?

When your friend constantly cancels plans with you at the last minute, it's easy to say, "Hey, enough already, every time we make plans you cancel on me at the last minute and it really pisses me off". That's an easy one. I'm confident that your friend will apologize and make an effort not to do it anymore. But what happens when the situation isn't so easily explained? Here's one almost everyone has experience...how about the friend who always orders the lobster when the rest of the group are ordering burgers? How about the wine connoisseur who orders a $200 bottle of wine because he heard how fabulous it was, and doesn't offer to pay for it? My favorite is when you invite a friend to a game, concert or broadway showas your guest, and when the waiter brings over the dinner check your guest doesn't even offer to pay for dinner. Come on people, doesn't anyone have any manners anymore? Doesn't etiquette still apply? Or is ignorance an excuse for poor manners?

I have a very close friend that I relayed a story to about a mutual acquaintance being completely manner-LESS and her response was, "If you don't point out someone's inappropriate, rude, ill-mannered behavior, then you're allowing them to behave this way toward you and it's your own fault." Damn, good for her!!! I wish I could have her big "set" and point out when someone is just plain old "not doing the right thing". But then again who made me the proper police?

What bothers me the most is that we'll all complain to other people about someone's inconsiderate habits but we won't confront the guilty party directly.

My Mom is the reigning queen of proper etiquette. Trust me, she even writes me a thank you note when I send her flowers!! Anyway, here are a few things she taught me, with MUCH more than my two cents thrown in....I'm sure she's gonna love this one...uh oh.

Chapter One: Being a Welcomed Back Guest

"When you are invited to someone's home for cocktails, hors d'oeuvres, a meal, a sleepover, or a party, don't ever show up empty handed." I don't care how cheap you are. There better be something in your hand when the host opens the door to let you in. Show your host that you appreciate their invitation and that you want to be invited back! Any token is appropriate (a bottle of wine, flowers, candy, a dessert....something....ok fine, a six pack if that's the best you can do!).

"Be a gracious guest." What exactly does that mean? Get off your lazy, full from a great meal ASS and help clear the table!

Don't be a five year old. If your host is serving something you don't enjoy eating, it's always better to behave with some sense of maturity. "Yuck, I hate _____" is what five year olds say. Keep that in mind.

Don't ask for leftovers unless your host offers. It's not a compliment to the chef it's you looking like a cheese ball. Oh, and a pig.

Chapter Two: Table Manners

Your napkin is waiting for you to put it on your lap. It feels most comfortable there.

Chewing with your mouth closed is appreciated, as is not talking with your mouth full of food.ABC (already been chewed is for 3rd graders)

A roll is not meant to be sliced in half and buttered like spreading mayo on a bologna sandwich. Break off a piece that will fit in your mouth and butter that piece, and repeat.

Please don't be rude to the waiter or waitress...they will most likely spit in your food, or drop something on the floor and put it back on your plate (I know you've seen that movie with the toast and the arm pits).

Chapter Three, Four and Five....we'll save for a later post

I'm CERTAINLY not claiming to be the most well mannered, honest person around, but I certainly wasn't brought up in a barn! Unless you were, please people TRY to remember......Manners Matter, Don't Be A _____!