Does The Punishment Fit the Crime?

Have you seen this man?  He cheated on his wife, she caught him by snooping through his cell phone, and rather than throw him out she decided to punish him by making him wear this sandwich board on one of the busiest intersections in the D.C. Metropolitan area for a week during rush hour.  When he receives the end of rush hour text message from his wife, he's allowed to stop his public humiliation for the day. (information and photo from Lemondrop.com)

In an online survey of almost 200,000 votes, 55% said it was a fair punishment and the cheater deserves what he gets.  You have to laugh, it is funny.  Does the punishment fit the crime? Is the humiliation his wife feels equal to the humiliation he feels standing out there every morning while hundreds and hundreds of cars pass by laughing at him? I do have to give this guy a lot of credit though, I don't know too many men who have cheated on their wives who would agree to this form of punishment. They'd rather grovel with flowers, jewelry, fancy vacations, or whatever else their wives are longing for.  

What I really want to know, is what Bill Clinton, Elliott Spitzer, or any other cheating official thinks of this guy's punishment. Do you think this sandwich board guy was also forced to resign from his job?  Do his co-workers now feel he's incapable of performing the job he's been doing for the past, I don't know, 10, 20, 30 years?  Don't get me wrong, I'm not in any way condoning cheating!  I just think what a man or woman does behind the curtain, has nothing to do with their performance in front of it (which is why I don't care whether or not Bill Clinton had sex with that woman.  OK he definitely shouldn't have lied, but our economy was certainly booming. Maybe we can bring him and Monica back in three and half years).  By the way ladies, don't fool yourselves, plenty of women cheat too. I'm sure one of your girlfriends has confided in you about an escapade she's had with one of the many men who come to her house to perform a service, I mean fix something.  

I'm thinking sandwich board's wife is on to something. There'd probably be fewer divorces if cheaters were punished in some equally humiliating way.  I like the sandwich board, but how about  a Youtube video apology that gets forwarded to the cheaters entire email address book with a note on the bottom saying if you pass this email on to 10 of your friends, something really wonderful will happen to you.......

I like it.  What do you think?

Turn In Your Broomstick Before You Become A Clunker

Unfortunately some people get married and don’t end up happily ever after.  Something goes wrong along the way, or maybe it was doomed from the start, either way, today divorce is like a Mac, more and more of your friends are getting one.   Whatever the circumstances were that sent you on a search for your pit bull lawyer, whatever horrendously hurtful, awful thing your husband or wife did, tried to do or wanted to do, from the bottom of my heart, I am truly sorry that you were hurt, embarrassed, lied to, cheated on, or made to feel less than.   The first year or point until your divorce is finalized is the hardest, this is when you spend the better part of Saturday night curled up on the bathroom floor crying hysterically because you’re all alone and your kids are with your future ex and you glance at your red nosed puffy faced self in the mirror and that makes you cry even more thinking how awful you look and who the hell would ever want to be with you looking like that?  Unless of course you’re a man and then you’re probably out on a Saturday night with some 22 year old Gossip Girls wannabe that one of your buddies set you up with to “make you feel better”. Therefore, a healthy amount of bashing does not make you look bad, it’s actually understandable and pretty much part of the healing process.  Your friends are there for you and ready to carry fire-lit torches to ‘kill the beast’ at 3am in case his 22 year old mistress has already claimed him as her own.  

Now it’s time for the three little words that you desperately need to hear.  

Get Over It!

Bashing has an expiration date, and if you don’t abide by it, your friends will be sick of hearing about it, and the chances of having your happily ever after become infinitesimally slim.

Turn in your broomstick before you become a clunker. 

clunk⋅er  [kluhng-ker]  

1. something worthless or inferior.

2. Also, klunker. an old, worn-out vehicle or machine.

(ok so you’re not a car but it still makes sense)

Choosing a broomstick as your mode of transportation is repulsive, unless you think the green faced wicked witch from the original Wizard of Oz is attractive (by the way, to this day I can’t watch that movie because the witch and her flying monkeys still give me nightmares).  

Nobody likes a bitter angry spiteful woman, and honestly it makes you look very ugly no matter how physically beautiful you might be.  More importantly, it takes more energy maintaining an ugly bitch persona than it does to be the bigger better person and do the right thing.  What makes matters worse, is the extreme broomstick flying wicked witch of the north, south, east or west that drags the kids into it, or uses them as weapons!

Lastly, flying around on a broomstick is sure to give you a bad case of wind burn which inevitably turns your face into a wrinkled road map and that’s definitely not pretty.

p.s. "Anger/Revenge is like swallowing poison and hoping the other person dies" .......think about it.

Little Head Short-Term, Big Head Long-Term

I recently caught up with a newly divorced single male friend of mine in his early forties.  He was filling me in on his whole "kid in the candy store" dating thing, and all the gorgeous twenty-something women he was dating and how extremely hot yet uncomplicated they were.  However, he claimed he was ready to find a partner and be in a committed relationship blah, blah, blah. He was even trying to tell me that although he already had 2 teenage kids, he'd be willing to start all over again having babies.(I had to walk away from the table so that I didn't spit out the sip of sweet tea vodka and lemonade I just took). I guess he thought bringing your kid to college orientation when you're over 60 might be fun!

Little Head short-term, Big Head long-term. This is the way men are built, they can't help it, and there's really nothing wrong with it if you understand it. What turns a man's head, to look at every set of boobs that walks by, is strictly the little head's reflex. When a man is with a woman that he has a big head connection with, that reflex is still active but may be respectfully sheltered in her presence(or not). Let me break it down for you, choose the term you want long or short, and focus on that head.  As for my male friend, his big and little head better have a conversation and figure out some kind of compromise. I'm thinking he needs to date in the notch below the "hottest of the hot with the smokin' bodies" category and see what happens. He might be shocked to find both a big and little head turn-on can come from the same place!

I think it'll be a while before the light bulb in his big head goes off and he gets it. For now the little head remains far out in front with no sign of a slowdown. I can't help but smile knowing someday when the big head gets the little head to give it a chance,that he'll come back to me and tell me he's ready for my "I told you so" when he's dating a woman that satisfies BOTH heads!!

By the way, the same thing goes for woman. Although we only have one head, we need both big head and little head connection. Unless of course you're a cougar and then the whole theory goes out the window.