The Real Cougars of Man Jewelry City

Last night while out for some drinks with one of my BFFs, we engaged in a little game we like to call "Profiling". The object of the game is to try and figure out what someone's deal is, just by checking out what they're wearing, whether they came alone or with someone, how they're interacting with the people around them, what they do for a living, what number date they're on, you get the idea.  I highly recommend trying it. It's quite amusing especially after a few sweet tea vodka and lemonades.  No one gets hurt, unless of course you slip and fall on the way to the ladies room, and then a whole new game starts called "bar humiliation". It's the one where your friend makes sure everyone in the place heard about your fall incase they hadn't witnessed it. 

Our game of profiling quickly became more like watching a reality tv show called,                                                                                  "The Real Cougars of Man Jewelry City". 

Lets start with the jeweled men.  Most chicks don't dig it. Trust me, you might like it, but it's not about you. My advice would be unless your wife or girlfriend bought it for you as a gift, just say NO to rings, bracelets, and big gold chains when going out to a bar (fyi, a watch is not considered man jewelry). When you're standing at a bar and you approach a woman, incase you didn't know, she's looking at your shoes and she's doing a man jewelry check. One last bit of advice, if you wear a wedding band, and you've been out in the sun for a while, removing it for a night out with the guys, is always a bad idea. Hello cute buff guy sitting behind me, sorry but I'm talking to you, the white band of skin that was under your wedding band while you've been tanning on the beach all summer was one of the highlights of our amusement. Thanks.  

Another favorite are the cougars.  Although a cougar can be any woman at any age with a much younger man, in this case the cougars were in their 50s. These woman are very fun and always up for a good time.  They dance together after having way too many cocktails and they talk to everyone.  This group of women is divided in half. Some are very hip, in awesome shape and know how to make themselves look fabulous with form-fitting boob bursting tops, short skirts and sexy stiletto heels. Sadly the other half are in desperate need of a hair, makeup and wardrobe makeover or as a male friend questioned, "Do they look into the same mirrors that we do?". Aside from updating your look, my best advice to the cougars is simple. If you aren't sure where your teenage daughter is while you're out on the prowl, don't stand outside the bar talking to your fellow cougars or any hot younger men you might be interested in who aren't exactly sure how old you are. You may blow your cover when your daughter happens to be driving by,rolls down her window and yells at the top of her lungs "Maaaaaaahhhhhhhmmmm, what are you doing?".

It's a 14 carat gold jungle out there, be careful not to blow your cover......