The Message Is In The Dial

I was flattered yesterday when a friend of mine who had just jumped back into the "plenty of fish in the sea" dating scene, called me for some advice.  She was curious about the rules of dating (not that I'm an authority)and asked, "Is it ok for me to contact him? How about just a casual text to say hi, or a facebook comment to a recent post he made?"  Or my favorite, that came from another friend, "he asked me to get him some information(on some unimportant topic that he could easily google) do you think it's too soon to email it to him?"  Nice try, really, but No!

I am pretty sure whether you're a venus or a mars you have asked your friends this question at some point.  My answer depends on who's asking, and how good your is he into me radar is. If you're a guy, as long as you're not a stalker, you are pretty much always expected to do the initiating of the contact. I don't think I've ever heard a guy say "Geez, I really wish she would text/call me more often, she just doesn't do it enough".  Have you? Most guys don't sit around waiting for their phone to ring, bleep, buzz, or chime. That's pretty much a chick thing. Unless of course, the guy has reached out to a woman and he's getting the feeling that she's really not that into him.  As far as my friend goes I gave her the unsolicited sometimes insensitive advice my Dad has always so generously offered.

Don't be too available.  This might sound simple but it's definitely not an easy thing to have the will-power to do. When you're a chick and you've been waiting for a guy to call you for three days or some ridiculous amount of time that his friends busted his balls about waiting, you ARE available. When you finally get the long awaited bleep, chirp, or buzz, better to let it go to voicemail, or just don't respond the second you get it (and no, ten minutes is not enough time).  I'm not into games, and I'd rather just do whatever feels comfortable, wouldn't you?  However, until you really know someone well enough, a lot of men don't respond well to that.  Men have a keen sense of your eagerness (almost psychic) and jumping for the phone isn't the best idea.  Also, make sure you have a life.  What I mean is, do yourself a favor and when he asks you out, please please don't respond with "any night that's good for you works".  

Nobody wants what they can have too easily.  Take this one to heart girls, because it couldn't be more dead on accurate (please refer back as to why you shouldn't contact him).  There would be no butterflies in your stomach and there would be no challenge to get in your pants and there would be no wooing (my personal favorite) if this weren't true. What fun would that be? Everyone likes the chase, whether you're the chaser or the chasee. If there isn't some element of intrigue or uncertainty, he's movin' on (specifically if you've only gone out a couple of times). He doesn't need to know that you had anything waxed today, or that you found the boots you were dying for on sale at the mall. Less detail leaves more room for him to use his imagination.  Trust me, he'd love the opportunity to fantasize that the workout class you told him you went to this morning involved a pole.

Everything in Moderation.  Although when this advice was given to me it referred more to drinking, eating dessert, and living on the edge. It holds true when reflecting back to numbers 1 and 2. In regard to number 1, when I said "get a life" I didn't mean that when you do finally get the bleep, buzz or chirp, the guy has to wait till 3 weeks from tuesday for a date.  No one is that busy, that's just a direct blow off, so find a night within the week or so.  As for number 2, playing hard to get is plain old stupid, but so is telling a guy you've only had a few dates with, that your children would be so cute with his big brown eyes and your curly blonde hair!

Lastly, please don't sit around reading into every voicemail and playing it over and over for your friends asking what they thought, or how his voice sounded.  "Do you think he sounds like he's into me?"  What the heck does a voice of someone that really likes you sound like anyway? Someone please tell me.  Rest assured that it makes no difference what his voicemail or text message said. It makes no difference how many times you torture yourself or your friends by playing it over and over.  The message is in the dial. The fact that he contacted you says it all.  Maybe just maybe he really does like you. (By the way, any guy who doesn't appreciate or respond to a woman who sends a quick little text to say hi is definitely not the kinda guy she's meant to be with.) Just be yourself. The only person that has to like you is you. That's why there are no rules. 

OK, there is one exception.  The one rule that I firmly believe in is........ Nothing good ever comes from a drunken dial.  Don't believe me?  Let me know how that works out for you. 

Yeah, the message is definitely in the dial!